Welcome to Our Grand Canyon Raft Trip-Themed Bar

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We hope you will delight in your time right here at Tequila Beach

Cover is $1400, and you are not permitted to leave the bar for 16 days. (Photo: Brendan Leonard)


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Welcome to Tequila Beach, our Grand Canyon raft trip-themed bar, exactly where we’ve gone to terrific lengths to recreate an expertise just like a Grand Canyon raft trip. With no, you know, the Grand Canyon, or rafts. Right here are some of the exceptional capabilities of our establishment:

  • Cover is $1,400, and you are not permitted to leave the bar for 16 days.
  • We do not have any glass glasses for cocktails, or any glass bottles, so when you order a Stranahan’s on the rocks, you will see us pouring whiskey out of a plastic bottle. How do you know it is Stranahan’s? I guess you will have to take our word for it.
  • Also, we have some ice, which could theoretically be utilized to make your drink, but we’re conserving the ice, so…
  • We do not have wine glasses, so wine is served in a coffee mug or straight out of the bottle. And by “bottle,” we imply “bag.”
  • We do not have any beer bottles, just cans.
  • Each and every sixth beer has been punctured by a rock and diluted with a varying quantity of river water.
  • If you’d like a snack with your drinks, we have pretzels and tortilla chips with salt and sand on them. All the beer cans have sand about the rim. The floor of the bar is covered in sand. Each and every Thursday evening, we turn on a massive fan and toss sand into it so that it blows across the complete bar. 
  • We are open 24 hours a day. If you want to drink from eight A.M. to midnight each day, you are free of charge to do so, and it is up to you whether or not you think about that sustainable and/or healthful.
  • Mainly because of the sandy floor of the bar, all of the chairs in the bar are camp chairs.
  • We have no restroom, so if you have to pee, please go out back and do so in the creek. 
  • If you have to poop, please delight in undertaking so in our wobbly metal box with a toilet seat mounted on top rated of it. Peeing in the box is completely prohibited, having said that.
  • Also, we’re type of conserving toilet paper, so if you could do your greatest not to use that substantially of it…thanks.
  • Upon admission to our bar, you will acquire a handful of sand to pour more than your toothbrush and other private belongings, and into your hair and the crevices of your nether regions. I imply, you may as properly, anyway.
  • We do not have pool tables, foosball, or dartboards, but we have glow-in-the-dark bocce, typical bocce, no TVs, and our creating seals out cell telephone reception. We have a single box of books and they are all about the Grand Canyon, rafting, and conservation.
  • We have a single cooler we do not open till week two, and a single cooler we do not open till week 3. Please do not open the coolers unless you like moldy meals. 
  • We do not serve water but you are welcome to hand pump filter a glass or two out back from the creek.

We hope you will delight in your time right here at Tequila Beach, the only Grand Canyon raft trip-themed bar in the planet. It is not for every person, but several of the people who have been right here when grow to be regulars—with a tiny time in among visits to shower and detoxify. 

Brendan Leonard’s new book, Bears Do not Care About Your Complications: Much more Funny Shit in the Woods from Semi-Rad.com, is out now.

Lead Photo: Brendan Leonard

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